


If Promises Can't Heal These Wounds

by Jakathine



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Awkward Conversations, BDSM, Bisexual Character, Biting, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Canon-Typical Violence, Come Sharing, Come Shot, Come Swallowing, Comeplay, Commitment, Complete, Confessions, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, French Kissing, French Speaking, Friendship, Frottage, Gen, Gun Violence, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Humor, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insomnia, Kissing, Language Kink, Light Bondage, Light Spanking, M/M, Making Out, Memory Loss, Memory Related, Mild Language, Military Kink, Multi, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, Nipple Licking, Nipple Play, Pansexual Character, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Polyamory Negotiations, Possessive Behavior, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Propositions, Psychological Trauma, Rough Kissing, Spanking, Surprise Kissing, Texting, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism, double domination, little bit of crying, only slightly mentioned language kink really, shower blowjobs, suggested depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:30:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2095836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakathine/pseuds/Jakathine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Promises Can't Heal These Wounds circles the dynamics of Steve and Bucky Post-WS as well as delves into their more personal lives concerning their past and their present and ultimately, their future as both comrades and lovers.</p><p>****Non-Con Applies to Chapter 5.******<br/>Flashbacks/Memories will be in ITALICS.<br/>"Current time" will be in regular print.<br/>Texting will be prompted prior</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [krusca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/krusca/gifts).



The Tower was silent, if almost eerily so, save for that of the room belonging to one certain man named Steve Rogers, who tossed and turned in his sheets while halted mangled cries seemed to be squeezed out of his very frame.

_Water filled Steve’s lungs shortly after tumbled out of the helicarrier and into the chilly harbor below. The wounds on his face stung and the numerous bullets riddled through his torso had become little more than a dull ache but neither could compare to the pain he felt deep within his chest. Steve had felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest and maliciously destroyed. The lack of recognition in Bucky’s eyes seared its way into his thoughts as he had sunk deeper into the water. The sound of Bucky having had screamed “You! Are! My! Mission!” with the punctuation of each syllable accompanied with a punch to his face. Each word hauntingly resounded in his ears and shook him to his very core as if he were being hit once more with that metal fist. He would have cried were he not submerged in water and having to hold his breath between tight lips._

_Steve closed his eyes, not too difficult as one had started to swell, and released his mind from any thoughts before he reopened them to look at the muddy, semi-opaque water around him. As bits of machinery floated downwards with him he considered latching on to a piece but his heart was not into the action. The helicarrier had exploded and Bucky had been aboard. There was little chance Bucky had made it off alive. He knew that the world might miss Captain America temporarily before finding a new symbol but he surmised that they would quickly forget about Steve Rogers. He just could not go on anymore, not after this. Steve slid his lips apart, ready to expel the last of his oxygen when a silver glint caught his eye._

_Suddenly Steve felt himself being yanked upwards, towards the surface. Steve closed his mouth again to preserve the oxygen he had almost released. When his head broke the surface he screwed his eyes closed against the sudden light and felt his body sag of its own accord. Super Serum or not his body needed to rest and attempt to renew the damage caused to it. Steve heard a faint grunt and cracked open his eyes long enough to see a silver metal hand gripping his uniform’s front strap, the black material of a close-fitting uniform, and finally a flash of matted brown hair before his eyes drooped of their own accord._

_The winter soldier, no –Bucky- , carefully deposited Steve in the sand, before he stood back and watched as Steve weakly coughed up water. Bucky looked down at Steve and then glanced around to make sure Steve would be safe before he hurriedly walked away. Steve tried to but could not call out as he turned his head to see the receding form getting smaller until he could no longer see him…_

Steve sat up abruptly, his body broken out in a cold sweat and the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. He glanced at the clock to see that it read only three in the morning. He cursed quietly then got out of bed and dressed in his normal pair of workout clothes, a silver top and grey shorts, before making his way to his private gym down the hall from his room.

It had been an addition requested from Steve to Tony during the refurbishment of Stark Tower into Avengers Tower and Steve found himself using it more than his own room. Working out kept him feeling somewhat sane and allowed him to punch something during times like this.

After about an hour or so of steady working out in the gym Steve felt somewhat better and returned to his room for a shower. There he placed his head against the shower wall and let lukewarm water run down his skin as he thought.

It had been nearly six months since the incident on the helicarrier and Steve knew that Bucky had to be somewhere. He thought more about the glint of metal and the feel of the sand underneath him when he had been brought ashore, wondering what it was that finally convinced Bucky of who he truly was.  Had it been Steve’s claim that they were friends or the fact that he did not fight back after repeated blows to his face? Steve remained unsure.

As Steve stepped out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist and wandered into his room, picking his phone up off the dresser whilst on his way to his bed.

**Anything specific for me to do today? –CapA**

_ Not rly  _ _  -Blackie _

**New signature I see. –CapA**

_ Yup. Got tired of the old one –Blackie _

**Okay. Well, I might go by the museum today since there’s nothing. –CapA**

_ Okie-dokie. If ya need me just lemme know. –Blackie _

**Kay. –CapA**

Steve smirked to himself. Natasha had introduced him to this smartphone he now had but she had also insisted on everyone using signatures. Of course, Tony was all on board with that with giving himself “playboi” much to Banner chagrin. Banner in question had “Doc” as his. Tony took to that well, randomly texting “what’s up, doc?” to Banner after setting one of the more annoying tunes on his phone and locking the song somehow. Steve bit back a laugh as he remembered Clint’s being set as “coffE” while Sam, after being coerced into the game by Nat, penned himself as “cawcaw”. Fury had been reluctant to participate but Nat likewise convinced him as well, and though he rarely ever texts, did decide to use “Patch” as his. At this recollection Steve could not help but laugh aloud trying to imagine Director Fury actually sending a text with “patch” as his signature. After a few more moments thumbing through his phone, glancing over old texts just for kicks, Steve finally got up and dressed.

Without further plans to impede him, Steve took off on a congenial walk that lead to a subway train ride and ended with him at the doors of the museum. Navy blue hat tugged down low and wide-rimmed glasses pushed back he entered the building. He brought his matching blue jacket closer to him so he would have a lesser chance of being recognized. He did his normal circuit that ended with the final rooms devoted to him, Bucky, and the Howling Commandoes. Each time was like a punch in the gut, but like when he was in his pre-serum days, he charged on through the emotional assaults which bombarded him at every turn. The only difference was that physical wounds heal while here the wounds he inflicted on himself each time only refreshed his inner pain. It was a type of masochism which he had adopted and knew was not healthy for him at all but one as well which he could not resist lest he begin to take for granted the life he now lived. He was so distracted he accidentally bumped into a man observing the Bucky Barnes’s board.

“Sorry.” Steve mumbled before turning to walk around the man, whom he noticed wore a black cap similar to his own and a scruffy coat with the collar popped up high.

“No problem.” The man softly replied as he maneuvered away from Steve and towards the exit.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks and whipped around to face the man. He had just enough time to register that it was Bucky’s voice he had just heard. Though the long greasy hair barely fit under the ball cap and the face horrendously unshaven Steve recognized Bucky in an instant before the face turned away from him. Bucky at the same instance knew he was noticed and walked quickly away, not meeting Steve’s face and slipping into a throng of schoolchildren that had entered the section. Steve followed him but lost sight of Bucky in the crowd.

Astounded, Steve meandered back to the Tower and thought about his next course of action. Bucky was still here in the area, which means he could not live too far away either. The rest of that day Steve spent his time in his room with a map of the entire city layout finding out names and locations of shelters, notating them in his pocket notebook and vowing to go visit these places the next day. He picked up his phone and sent a text to Sam.

**Would it be possible that you help drive me around 2morrow?-CapA**

_ Sure. What r we up to?-CawCaw _

Steve considered for a moment an excuse to come up with but settled with telling Sam the truth.

**Searching for Bucky. Saw him today @museum. Can’t be too far away.–CapA**

_ Where do u wanna start?-CawCaw _

**Thinking shelters. –CapA**

_  When do u want me to come by?- CawCaw _

**I’m thinking noon. Ok with you?–CapA**

_ Ok. C u then.- CawCaw _

Steve tossed the phone onto his bed and flopped down next to it. The clock only said midnight but he figured he could get a somewhat decent rest before he spent all the next day hunting down Bucky. With the aid of soothing classical music and a lit lavender candle Banner had given him, Steve found himself slipping into sleep and hoping that he could actually stay asleep this time.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**A few weeks later…**

 

“Come on, man. It’s getting late.” Sam said as he stretched his arms and observed the slow ascent of the moon in the distance while clouds gathered ahead in a warning of an approaching storm.

Steve sighed, flattened out the map he had brought on the hood of the car and crossed another X on their current location before he folded it carefully and pocketed his small flashlight, “Might as well, for today.”

They had been searching all over the city, visiting local shelter after local shelter in the hopes that Bucky may been hiding in one, but to no avail. Either that or Bucky purposefully made a run whenever he saw Steve approaching.

The two stepped into Sam’s silver mustang and headed back towards Avenger’s Tower in silence. They were only a few blocks away from their destination when suddenly Sam jammed on his brakes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve demanded, turning an accusing eye at Sam.

Sam gave him a scathing glance and made a sharp U-turn in the thankfully empty roadway. Carefully Sam drove down the road until he found what he was searching for.

“There.” Sam pointed as he parked along the curb.

To the right of them was a small corner café, barely noticeable, and with sparse customers currently inside. What Sam had directed Steve’s eyes towards was a man sitting at a window booth, hood drawn back to reveal messy long brown hair and a mug of coffee cupped in his hands, the left which conveniently had a black glove covering it. Steve inhaled sharply, recognizing Bucky in an instant.

“Go in and try your best. I’ll wait here.” Sam stated, turning off the car and placing his hands in his lap patiently, his gaze turned out towards the street as steady rain started to fall.

Steve nodded and stepped out the vehicle. As he opened the café door he squared his shoulders and gathered every ounce of courage before entering.

Bucky’s gaze was fixed downwards into his coffee as Steve approached him slowly, so as not to alarm him. Only when Steve stood waiting by the tableside, his shadow cast onto the table itself, did Bucky look up. A moment of startled realization crossed Bucky’s face followed by a semi-fevered look that a cornered animal would normally get before it bolts.

“Please.” Steve softly begged, “Let me help you.”

Bucky frowned, a part of him desiring to go with the blond man before him in what felt like utter trust and another part trying to pull back from the kindness. In a low voice he replied, “I don’t know who I am and I don’t know if I can trust you. I keep having these…. Flashbacks and I don’t understand them. You called me James Buchannan Barnes. Is that really who I am?”

Steve eased down into the seat across the booth from Bucky and nodded, “Yes.”

Bucky’s lower lip trembled then stiffened, “If....If I go with you, will you tell me more? About myself and who or… what I am…?”

“I swear it.” Steve promised.

Bucky’s right hand flexed in thought then tightened around the handle of his coffee cup. He upturned it and drank the rest of the contents in one swig before he stood abruptly. Steve only watched as he went to the counter and returned the cup to the cashier, a young dark-skinned lady with wild curls atop her head. The cup was readily accepted with a smile at Bucky and a concerned look in Steve’s direction when Bucky had turned his back to the barista. Bucky reached under the seat he had been sitting at to reveal a ratty backpack, obviously one dredged from an old dumpster from the amount of holes in it, and dug out his hat from a side pocket to put it on his head. Steve reached out to take the bag from him but Bucky withdrew from the contact, shouldering the bag instead and jamming his hands into his pockets. Steve withdrew his hand and stepped ahead of Bucky to open the door for him.

Sam started up his car and waited as Steve let Bucky get into the mustang, closing the door securely behind him before hopping into the passenger’s seat opposite Sam. Quietly, Sam peeled away from the curb and resumed his drive towards Avengers Tower.

Steve glanced in the side mirror, just able to make out Bucky tucked near the door, and clenched his jaw. It was going to take some convincing on his part to have the troupe to give Bucky plenty of personal room. Steve was unsure how Natasha was going to react considering that Bucky had once shot her.

As the Sam pulled up in the roundabout drive, Steve became increasingly nervous but tacked it down under a smile as he opened the car door for Bucky, “C’mon.” he leaned in long enough to say to Sam, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

Sam smiled and replied, “Not a problem, man.”

Bucky unfolded himself from the car and walked behind Steve as they approached the main doors. Steve produced then scanned his ID card and pulled open the door to reveal the antechamber. Bucky’s eyes went wide as he looked around the shiny room of smooth linoleum tiling with darker tiles inlaid to make a giant Avengers “A” symbol in the center and the crème colored walls with tacked up drawings and photos fans had mailed into them.

With a few swift motions on his phone, Steve sent out a mass text to the rest of the Avengers, save that of Thor as he was currently not among them.

**Please meet at once in Foyer. Important. –CapA**

The Foyer was then where Steve led Bucky and the two sat side-by –side on one of the couches as the rest of the team assembled into the room one by one.

Natasha was the last to arrive and when she did she stopped dead in her tracks to eye Bucky warily. She closed her lips into a thin line and sat cross-legged on the floor directly in front of them. Steve stood and Clint took Steve’s previous place.

Now that everyone had been brought together he made his announcement, “This is my friend James Barnes, aka Bucky. He…I know the last time you all saw him he was fighting against me and Nat, but that was because of HYDRA having control over him…and his memories.”

Bucky shifted in his seat and looked over at Clint, who was watching him, hawk-like, then around at the others who studied him just as intensely. When his eyes met Natasha’s he registered a hint of familiarity but quickly lost the feeling and dropped his gaze down at the floor.

“And how do we know that we can we trust him?” Natasha piped up, keeping her eyes affixed on Bucky face, which remained impassive.

Steve avoided her question, saying instead, “For starters, he can have the room opposite mine on my floor. Secondly, he wants to know more about himself and well…everything. Since I know the feeling I think I should be the one to show him. Tony, I would need your help to access everything in the archives. Bruce, I need you to examine him, make sure he’s physically ok.” Bucky glanced up in alarm at his words and Steve quickly amended, “It’s to make sure HYDRA didn’t put a tracker into your skin or anything. I promise you Bruce is very kind and won’t harm you.”

Bucky relaxed slightly but his eyes resumed darting face by face warily. Clint crossed his arms and observed Bucky before glancing up at Bucky’s hair.

“Haircut?” Clint suggested, looking between Bucky and Steve before his eyes trailed back to the shoulder length hair Bucky sported.

Steve looked to Bucky in question but Bucky shook his head, “I’ll trim it but I’ve gotten used to it long.”

Clint nodded, seemingly satisfied, and let Bruce take over the conversation, “Bucky, if you would please follow me, I’ll take you down to the lab and we can start right away with everything. Tony will have files on a tablet ready for you by the time we are done.” Bruce nodded to Tony who rolled his eyes and sauntered off to do as requested.

Bucky stood and followed Bruce out of the room, leaving Steve with Natasha and Clint. Clint stood and stretched before wandering his way towards the kitchen, maintaining his air of indifference as Bucky did not seem a threat, at least not at the moment.

Natasha lay back on the floor and did not sit up when Steve sat cross-legged next to her right hand side, “I know that you may not be the most open about this… I don’t even know if he remembers you or what’s happened.”

At this Natasha did prop herself on one elbow to face Steve, “He is here to learn about himself and we’re all going to try our very best… I understand what it’s like to be used but for him it’s even worse because at least I kept memories and self, he did not have that. If he’s able to gain back memories it’s going to hurt, though, so we have to keep him under eye.”

“It’ll hurt him?” Steve asked, worrying his lower lip in thought, “Is it because he has to find where it’s been stuffed somewhere in his head?”

Natasha nodded and laid back, “Yeah. When I worked with the KGB it was something I saw happen to those that had had memory wipes and were forced to recall things. We found tactile was the best way to make them come back, with sound and taste as the next best ones, but the people suffered really bad migraines afterwards.”

Steve joined her by laying back and tucking an arm behind his head, “Tactile, huh?”

“Yup. We found that if they could physically touch things it helped jostle their memory, though not always.” Natasha added to the last part of her sentence as a forethought after seeing Steve’s face change into an even deeper contemplative look.

“I’ll go in a little bit to check up on him. I think being around Bruce might help him calm down.” Steve remarked, pursing his lips and letting his head fall from his arm to the carpet flooring softly.

Natasha turned her head and raised an eyebrow but commented no further. The two lay in silence until Steve sat up and helped Natasha get up as well. He thanked her and walked off, to his room more than likely Natasha thought as she went into the kitchen to bug Clint, especially if he was yet again perched on the counter while he tried to eat cereal.


	3. Chapter 3

By about the third month after his initial visit to Dr. Banner, no Bruce as Bucky had been insisted to call the man by when addressing him, had started Bucky found the man was gentle and calming. Bucky also discovered the ability to relax in the medical room, which was located on the second floor and buzzed constantly with computers and machinery tucked against the far right wall. Bucky observed all about him while Bruce took more blood samples before he studied Bucky’s bionic arm from fingertip to where the edge met his shoulder muscles.

“Amazing.” Bruce breathed as his fingers lightly touched over the metal arm in rapt attention. Bruce slid on his glasses and leaned down close to Bucky’s elbow joint, “Can you flex your arm for me?”

Bucky did as bade and flexed first his fingers before lifting up his forearm. He could hear the sharp intake of breath Bruce made before he saw the large grin on his face.

“Truly extraordinary! I’ve not even seen this type of technology before from anyone! Not even Tony!” Bruce gushed, rushing to a glass desk to pick up a tablet and stylus before scribbling notes furiously onto it.

Bucky shifted awkwardly on the medical examination table, which somehow had appeared when Bruce had tapped a few keys on the wall, and tugged on the hem of his shirt, which lay jumbled up in his lap. Bruce immediately stopped writing and placed the tablet down, his smile faded and his expression turned to one of concern.

“Sorry.” Bruce said, placing a hand on Bucky’s flesh shoulder, “I understand what it’s like to be under… scrutiny. It’s been a while so sometimes I forget how the feeling is. I mean it entirely as a compliment that the mechanical engineering that went into the making of your arm is, in its own way, beautiful.” Bruce’s expression softened as Bucky looked up, “I know that you must hate it. That is there as a constant reminder of what’s happened, but it is no more of evil than what you let of it. You can turn something that started out bad into something good.” Bruce let go of Bucky’s shoulder and picked up the tablet again.

Bucky chewed the inner of his cheek before flicking his tongue over his lips, “Thank you.”

Bruce glanced up over his glasses, his eyes kind and voice gentle, “If you ever need to calm down from an inner demon, the rooftop is a nice place to be.”

Bucky raised a brow and could not stop a small smile touching his lips while he slid his shirt back on, “If that’s all, I’ll go for now.”

The halls were uniformly made, with dark blue and black tiling floors and silvery walls. It made Bucky wonder if there were security cameras set up somehow in the too smooth walls. The thought had both comforted him slightly as well as put him on guard. If there were he would probably be unable to slip out without someone knowing, an aspect he had weighed heavily before deciding he may not do that and instead try to stay in a place where he may learn more than what was discovered in the Smithsonian’s exhibit.

For now, Bucky summarized, a shower would be best while he sifted through why there was an odd aching feeling he felt in his chest every time he thought about Steve Rogers, the man whom was once a mission and now, he discovered, actually a friend— _his_ friend. The word seemed foreign but not uncomfortable in Bucky’s mind.

“Friend.” He muttered, tasting the word on his tongue and finding it rusty but not unpleasant. As he stepped out of the elevator and onto the twelfth floor he stopped suddenly, the ping from the elevator resounding in his head as if it itself had flicked on a switch. Silently Bucky mouthed a single word, “Lover.”

The word left a bittersweet aftertaste but at the same time clicked into place with the face he saw before him. Steve had just walked out of his room, a newspaper in grip, when he glanced up at Bucky, a wide smile on his face.

“Everything go okay?” Steve asked, tilting his head slightly to the left, something Bucky recognized instantly as Steve’s way of being casual in a stressful situation--- fact he did not know more than two seconds ago.

Bucky’s mouth went dry as fragmented images and sounds appeared in his head all at once. Fingers looped through belt buckles, teeth caught on skin and fabric, throaty moans mixed with the beat of heavy rain against a strong army grade tent, blue eyes caught beautifully in the light of a setting sun as soft full lips neared to met his own---

“Hey, you ok?” Steve asked again, his smile gone as he reached out to place a hand on Bucky.

Bucky stumbled back and shook his head to clear out the thoughts before looking at Steve with an almost glassy-eyed stare. As if on auto-pilot, Bucky responded in a flat voice, “Were we lovers?”

Steve opened his mouth then closed it again. It had been an inevitable question which he knew Bucky would try to figure out, but one which being so soon and so unexpected was something Steve was not prepared for. He considered lying but opted for the truth.

“Yes…you and I grew up childhood friends and… and after I moved in with you after my mom died we had feelings for one another and became lovers… Then, even all through my time after joining the military and us forming the Howling Commandoes we were together.” Steve told him, for now leaving the part about Peggy unturned as he was afraid of how Bucky would react considering the man’s already apparent drain of color from the previous amount of information.

 Bucky nodded once, twice, as if confirming to himself Steve’s answer. As he side stepped Steve and disappeared into his bedroom he gave no further glance back or word, simply closing the door firmly behind him.

Steve stood dumbfounded. He slowly lowered his outstretched hand to his side and closed his mouth, which he realized hung slightly open. A pang shot through Steve and he felt his eyes prick with tears. He knew the risk he took of bringing Bucky here, of not being recognized more than briefly, but the pain was more excruciating than he thought it would be. What he did not expect was something as sudden as this. He did not know what really to expect. Grandeur, maybe? Or perhaps a revelation suddenly and all would be well again? Steve tried to command his mind to go blank, to think of something else, but found the task, normally simple, unable to be completed.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he stepped into the elevator and pressed the Basement key that led to Tony’s garage. As it smoothly slid downwards, a small level of betrayal writhed within him. The soft ‘ding’ alerted him to the elevator’s stop. He stepped out and was greeted by loud blasting rock music, only slightly softened by the glass doors leading into the garage.

He saw on the other side of the glass Tony working at his swivel workbench, sautering something together and causing sparks to fly haphazardly. Steve pressed his thumb to the DNA scanner at the door.

 It registered him and JARVIS’s smooth voice popped up, “Sir, we have a guest. Welcome, Mr. Rogers.”

Tony set down the sauter and spun to face Steve, “What’s up, Capsicle?”

Steve sat down heavily on the bench next to Tony, placing the newspaper onto one of the work trays and letting the silence stretch between them.

“Ahhh.” Tony said, as if knowing the thoughts on Steve’s mind before lopsidedly grinning, “Romance trouble, eh? Or should I say Guy-Who-Happens-To-Be-Named-Bucky Trouble?”

Steve’s head shot up and he gave Tony an incredulous glance. Tony waved his hand slightly, “The only ones in here are me, you, and JARVIS. And he wouldn’t breathe a word, would you, buddy?”

“Of course not, Sir.” JARVIS replied as sarcastically as an AI could muster.

“Besides…” Tony added in a lowered voice, “You don’t even end up being with me, even if only sometimes, without me being able to catch onto some things.”

“Sometimes it just hurts.” Steve whispered and despite his better thoughts found the words fall from his mouth about what occurred in the hallway between him and Bucky.

Tony listened intently and placed his hands over Steve’s in comfort after Steve stopped talking before he gave him a light kiss on the forehead, “I understand, and so will Pepper, if you prefer we break off what we have that way you can pursue trying to be with him.”

Steve leaned into Tony’s arms which were now stretched out towards him, “Thank you, and I hope we can, but I… I care for you, I really do. Despite our rocky start, you were the first one to even get me to smile again after I unfroze. Please don’t take this as a sort of a… break up thing.”

Tony ran a hand through Steve’s hair and chuckled, “Well, as much as I love ya, I think that it may be the best because I do not want to get in the way of a relationship older than me!”

A small ding noise alerted them of someone’s arrival and the two looked up to see Pepper standing there, a clipboard pressed against her white blouse and a small quaint smile on her lips.

“Hope I wasn’t interrupting.” She remarked, handing the clipboard to Tony, “I need you to sign this. Before you say something, yes I know I’m CEO but this requires your signature as it’s a request from SHIELD to have access to the blueprints for Avenger’s Tower.”

Tony pouted his lips childishly and signed the document, “Good thing Coulson is now the director. Else wise I wouldn’t have agreed. ‘Sides knowing SHIELD they already have the blueprint and they’re just wanting me to go along with it.” 

“Probably.” Pepper agreed, leaning over to kiss Tony’s forehead then Steve’s cheek lovingly before she snatched up the clipboard from Tony’s hands. “See you boys later. Natasha and I are going out for lunch.”

Tony’s brows shot up as he cackled, “Oooh, a redhead with a redhead? Double trouble!”

Pepper held back her smirk, but snarked back, “Perhaps but you’ll never know.” She gave him a sly wink anyways before sauntering away, the dark red pencil skirt she wore making even her exit more elaborate.

The two men shared a look before bursting out in giggles. Steve wiped his eyes, knowing he should act better but glad for the laugh. A quick look at Tony, who had wrapped his arms around his torso and mimicked kissing noises, made him laugh all over again.

“Thank you, Tony.” Steve said as he stood and grabbed up his newspaper, “I’ll think about what you said… and should something happen between him and me, I’m glad that you will not hate me for it.”

“Hate you?” Tony laughed, “I could never hate you, Steve.” He tapped his chin, “Maybe get annoyed but hate? Nah. Anyhow, you know Pepper and I agreed to keep the relationship open, and we both accepted that you may choose to separate at any time, so no harm done to anyone. Our room is always open for you.”

Tony leaned forward and kissed sweetly, his fingers just barely brushing up against Steve’s sides to draw them closer together into the kiss. They parted lips after a few moments before they touched foreheads. Playfully Steve ruffled Tony’s hair and made to leave the garage. Tony gave him a swift friendly kick on the ass to which Steve only stuck out his tongue at before he left and headed to the lounge to finally read his newspaper.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

_“I can do this all day.” Steve defiantly said as his eyes glinted fiercely. He held up his skinny arms and tiny balled up fists at the lumbering bully before him._

_The bully promptly swept a heavy punch into Steve, knocking him back into a pile of trashcans._

_“Hey! Pick on someone your own size!” a voice yelled from behind the bully, who turned to meet the stranger and was promptly sent spinning towards the ground from a heavy punch. When the bully stood and stumbled away the man topped off with a swift kick in the rear to the bully to send him on his way._

_The person who dealt the punch turned to face Steve and held out a free hand as the other remained clenched around a rolled newspaper, “Sometimes I think you like getting punched.”_

_Steve relaxed his fists as he recognized his friend Bucky and cast a glance down at the bully, “I had him on the ropes.” He gave a cheeky glance at Bucky, who had bent down to pick up the scattered enlistment form, and added “Besides, of the two of us, I know which one likes being punished more.”_

_“You punk.” Bucky teased cheekily as he cast a look over his shoulder before he kissed Steve fully on the mouth, ignoring the smattering of blood that was still on his lips._

_At first Steve tried to move away, fearful of being caught, but relaxed when Bucky’s arms wrapped around his thin waist securely as Bucky guided him behind the side of the building, out of view from the street. The two kissed furtively until Steve wriggled out of Bucky’s grasp, panting for air._

_“Enough of that now.” Steve said, breath heavy and an obvious erection having grown in the front of his pants, “They may come back…” at the look of slight hurt on Bucky’s face Steve added, with a grin on his face, “Don’t worry, Buck, I’ll make sure you get much more than kisses when you get home later.”_

_Bucky blushed profusely then gave Steve a look as Steve wiped saliva and blood from his lips. He turned his attention to the form he had picked up, “How many times is this? Ah, you’re from Paramus now. You know it’s illegal to lie on your enlistment form.” His brows rose in mild surprise, “And seriously, Jersey?”_

_Steve finally noticed the prim brown uniform which Bucky wore and frowned, “Did you get your orders?_

_Bucky nodded and quirked a cocky smile, “The one-o-seventh. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping for England first thing tomorrow.”_

_Steve could not help but inwardly sigh as he turned to head out the alley, “I should be going.”_

_Bucky quickly stepped forward, “Come on, man! It’s my last night. Gotta get you cleaned up!”_

_Steve paused and gave Bucky a wary stare before stepping in stride with him, “Why? Where are we going?”_

_Bucky gently thwacked a newspaper he had been holding against Steve’s chest and smiled broadly, “The future.”_

Steve thought back to the memory fondly as he touched the corner of the newspaper he had been reading.  That fateful night he and Bucky had gone to celebrate and during the whole time Steve remembered he had felt so disconnected. He did not even know why. The ladies they had met knew this too but Steve knew they were only there as a cover as they were a pair of lesbian lovers Bucky had found and agreed to “double date” so neither couple would look questionable. Perhaps, he thought, he was jealous that Bucky was able to go to war but he personally had not been able to at the time. Steve’s smiled slipped from his mouth as he remembered the sharp spat they had shared in the enlistment registration lobby.

_“There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” Steve had argued, having drawn himself to his full height and not looking the least bit intimidating._

_Bucky opened his mouth then closed it again, having choked back words on his tongue as he said instead, “Right. Cause you got nothin’ to prove.”_

_The two glared at one another until Bucky smiled softly and turned to walk away, “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”_

_Steve, still irritated, quipped back, “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”_

_A tiny smile soon spread to a full grin on Bucky’s face, “You’re a punk.”_

_The two forgot their argument and hugged tightly. Ever so carefully Bucky dipped his head to kiss Steve on the forehead, “I know I won’t be able to spend the night with you, so save that promise ‘til I see you again. Okay, Stevie?”_

_Steve flinched, surprised at the display of affection in such a public place alongside with the low whisper, but smiled anyways before he tightened the embrace, “I will.”_

_Bucky loosened his grip on Steve and the two held each other at arm’s length._

_“Jerk. Be Careful.” Steve shot back in an effort to look nonchalant as he looked up at Bucky endearingly as Bucky turned to leave once more. In haste, Steve added, “Don’t win the war till I get there!”_

_Bucky simple gave a congenial wave back towards Steve and walked out to meet the ladies again as promised._

Pit-pat. Steve realized he was crying, the tears gliding down his face and onto the paper to make the noise he heard.

“Crap.” Steve muttered, pushing the paper away and leaning back into the couch cushions to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hands.

“Everything ok?” a sudden voice interrupted beside him.

Steve jumped and inwardly chided himself for not noticing other people around him as Natasha sat down and watched him carefully.

“Just thinking about the past among other things.” Steve remarked, clearing his throat and picking the newspaper back up in an effort to ignore Natasha.

Natasha took a careful deep breath and crossed her legs and waited patiently.

After having read a few sentences over and over Steve finally gave up and looked at Natasha. She sat up in interest, her green eyes full of question and curiosity as well as worry.

“Back before…well, back pre-serum I wasn’t very big. Sickly all the time.” Steve started, “Bad thing was I got into fights a lot because I couldn’t –and still can’t-- stand bullies. Between my asthma, bad health, and injuries from fights there were times I could not do anything but stay curled up in my bed. Bucky…” Steve swallowed, “He took care of me, especially after my mom died and we moved in together. Saved me from fights I was badly losing but never would back down from, he made sure I had enough supplies and care by working almost all the time. He did all of that without one complaint. I look at him now, how lost he is and we’re trying to help but I feel our efforts, mine specifically, might not come near at all what he did for me and he’ll end up more confused.”

Natasha nodded, processing the information, and after a moment replied, “You’re trying your best, Steve. We all are. Memory wiping is no small joke and he’s endured seventy years of it. It’s going to take time. He’s only been free from under HYRDA a short time and what he does remember so far is from current hits. More likely than not because of them being recent and violent. Getting memory from the distant past is going to take much longer.”

Steve worried at his lower lip and touched the edge of the newspaper, “Can I tell you something? Something that you can’t tell the others? Not yet, at least.”

“Of course.” Natasha said, brow furrowed.

Steve lowered his voice to where only Natasha would hear, “Back then, when I was in my pre-serum days we did live together, like I said before. We did just about everything together. At first, I thought it was just a mutual thing because he went on dates often and girls did not give me a second glance. One night he had come home, obviously drunk, and went to bed. My bed. I had been asleep in it and I had woken up to him curled around me. I couldn’t move so we went to sleep again until morning and he woke first. He nearly fell off but I didn’t mind, I’d been sick again with some sort of chill so the warmth was nice. After that, if I ever got sick we would sleep together. It finally got to the point where we would exchange kisses and whatnot…until eventually we realized we loved one another…when he went to war, our whole relationship crumbled that day because he feared how I would take it in case he ended up dying. I had asked him why and he said he knew he may not live, so I best not waste time waiting on him and to find someone else.”

Natasha’s brows arched upwards but she said nothing yet as Steve seemed ready to continue.

“I was able to follow him, of sorts. A...friend of mine got me into training. There I met a woman by the name of Peggy Carter and, boy, I was floored. I thought perhaps this is what Bucky meant, finding that one person to settle with for good…” Steve trailed off and looked down at his hands, splayed in his lap.

“But?” Natasha prompted.

“But. I mean, we got along great and after I got the serum treatment I thought it even more possible to be with her but the war was more important…I then found out that the 107th had been taken by Nazis and I thought for sure Bucky had been killed. Thankfully, I found him, though he had been tortured and was worse for wear.” Steve chuckled, “He didn’t recognize me at first. I guess he thought he’d died to be able to see me, now bigger than him and healthy, coming to save him. It took a while of talking but we, ah, got back together.”

“What about Peggy?”

“I told Bucky about her and they met and got along really well actually…Met in a pub shortly after Buck’s return but they hadn’t really talked very much at all…”

_“So is this her office, your dame?” Bucky pestered Steve as they walked to Peggy’s office._

_“I think you’ll like her…She, ah...you met her briefly at the pub but I’m not sure if she really noticed you or not.” Steve shuffled his feet, pausing with his hand on the doorknob, “Buck, I have to be honest I like her a lot. She knew I had been with someone but didn’t know it was you… and I think she likes me too but I just don’t know and—“_

_Bucky held up a hand and cast a glance down the hall. Upon seeing it empty he gently took Steve’s jaw in his hand and tilted his head down slightly so he could place a light kiss on them, “It’ll be all right.”_

_Steve relaxed only somewhat and turned the knob to see Peggy sitting primly at her desk. When they entered she stood and walked around to greet them._

_“Peggy, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is Peggy. You two previously met at the pub. Sorry that I hadn’t fully introduced you two before.” Steve stated, pointing respectively when he said the names as he shut the door._

_Bucky stepped forward and proffered his hand, which Peggy took and gave a solid shake. The two stayed locked that way, eyeing each other. Steve felt a slight heat rise to his face as he watched the exchange. Finally, Peggy broke out in a grin and pecked Bucky on the cheek. Steve was taken aback and looked at his friend, who laughed at Steve’s rising anxiousness._

_“Don’t worry, Steve.” Peggy reassured, placing a hand on Steve’s cheek, “Earlier today Bucky and I met and had a nice chat. He told me about you two.”_

_Steve rounded on Bucky, who backed up a step or two and held up his hands in mock surrender._

_“And.” Peggy added, “I told him that I had zero intentions of relinquishing you so I suggested instead…how would you feel about being with the both of us?”_

_Steve’s jaw dropped as he looked between the two of them, “Are you serious? I…what?” he sat down heavily on a couch against the far wall._

_Peggy and Bucky sat on either side of him, she rubbing his back and he running a hand through Steve’s hair._

_“We both love you and, if you’re ok with it, we want you to love us both.” Bucky finished for Peggy._

_Steve looked up and rubbed his cherry-red face, “If we go through with this I swear I’ll be fair to both of you. God, will I.”_

_Peggy and Bucky smiled. Peggy turned Steve towards her and gave him a slow sweet kiss on the lips. When they had parted Bucky gently tugged squeezed the back of Steve’s neck so he could turn towards him to also kiss him, theirs being more passionate than the previous._

_The three continued to exchange kisses for a few moments longer before Peggy whispered, “Let’s go to my apartment and continue this there.”_

_The two men agreed and the trio set off to Peggy’s apartment, half-dazed from their building passion and excitement._

“So. All three of you were a thing?” Natasha said slowly, trying to process the idea of Steve actually being in a threesome.

Steve, blushing slightly by now, nodded, “Yeah. The arrangement actually went well. When the Howling Commandoes and I were out on missions, I was with Bucky and when we were back home, I was mostly with Peggy. Sometimes all three of us together. It was strange at first but then felt so…right. Now, I can’t touch Bucky. That wouldn’t be right. He doesn’t remember that. He only remembers the warfare and missions.” He sagged slightly in his chair, “I mean…I tried earlier day, to put my hand on him because he looked ghosted and he was scared off…he asked, no.. more like stated, our connection as ‘lovers’ upon seeing my face. And I told him the truth that yeah, we were friends then lovers, and then he wouldn’t really look at me before disappearing into his room.”

Natasha placed a comforting hand on his knee, “Go talk to him some more… Really, it’s the only thing you can do. You just simply saying his name is what started the breakdown. If that one word could unravel years of wiping, then a whole conversation about the past and what you two shared may be what can help him understand more about….well, everything.”

Steve placed a hand over Natasha’s and gave it a grateful squeeze, his eyes pricking with tears. They stood and embraced. Natasha slapped him on the back as her phone rang.

“This is Natasha.” She answered, a moment of silence and then more serious, “Yes, sir, Director.” She hung up the phone and smiled at Steve, “Go talk with him. Fury wants to see me. Catch ya later!”

Steve returned the smile and inclined his head then took the elevator to his level of the tower. When he exited he headed towards Bucky’s room, opposite his own, and paused at the door. He touched the handle, thinking back how the last time had such hesitation with a door handle and a decision but then, Bucky had been on the same side as he was that time.

Steve turned the knob and walked in, hoping for the best and steeling for the worst.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **   
> In this chapter's latter half is referenced non-con RumlowXWinterSoldier  
> **

The door slid open smoothly for Steve. However, when he crossed into the threshold he saw the room empty. Instantly he noticed the door to the bathroom was propped open ajar. The sound of running water could be heard.

Steve cautiously approached the door and poked his head around it to see that the glass shower door had been left open as well to let rolls of steam waft out into the room and fog up the mirrors. Bucky stood nude with his head tilted back, allowing hot water to course down his face. Quietly Steve backed out of the room but Bucky’s head snapped around at the sound of the door’s hinge, which had made a faint squeak. The two locked eyes in the sliver of space the door had left.

“Join me.” Bucky all but commanded as his usually tired eyes danced with energy.

Steve stepped into the bathroom, closed the door behind him, and stripped off his clothing without much finesse. He tossed them between the toilet and bathtub casually and walked up to the edge of the shower. Bucky reached out his metal arm, hot and steaming from the shower, and ran his fingers down Steve’s chest, leaving faint red marks in its wake that he knew would fade quickly. It took all of Steve’s control to not grip Bucky by the shoulders and kiss him fiercely right then and there. Bucky must have sensed this and smiled faintly as he beckoned Steve to join him in the shower, which was large enough to hold four people. Steve pushed away the thoughts of why Tony would consider creating a shower that large, not wanting to distract himself from Bucky.

Bucky, who was now leaned against the wall and held out his opposite arm towards him, and had a hungry look about his visage with his mouth hung open slightly and his gaze darkened with lust. Steve stepped closer and they pressed their bodies close together. The hot water surged down on them and pooled where their fronts met. Their lips met in heat and want, teeth clashed in a furious effort to bite the other’s mouths. Bucky moaned low as they grinded their erections against one another. Steve placed his hands on either side of Bucky’s head and held him in place while he nipped and sucked on Bucky’s lower lip. Bucky reciprocated by snarling his lips back to make Steve put more effort into the kiss.

“God, Buck.” Steve mumbled against Bucky’s mouth, trailing kissing down the man’s jaw and releasing head to suck at the now exposed neck to enjoy the taste of Bucky’s skin and water flowed into his mouth. Steve halted temporarily to ask, “Are you sure you want this?”

“I am very sure. Though…my memories are off I do remember this… my body remembers this.” Bucky observed before he gave a throaty chuckle.

It was an interesting vibration feeling to Steve’s mouth where it had gone back to being locked on to the side of Bucky’s neck as he wedged his flesh arm between them. Bucky pressed their cocks together and rubbed them simultaneously, his fingers tightening on the crowns on the upstroke. Steve’s knees buckled a little, his hand flying out to smack against the wall beside Bucky’s face to steady him. A sly smile stretched across Bucky’s face, reminding Steve of the old tricks Bucky used to do, and felt his cock released to only be promptly grasped again in Bucky’s steaming hot metal hand. The recalibration whirred as the arm readjusted to the angle and Steve found himself bumbling curses against Bucky’s shoulder as the pressure of the metallic hand gripping both of them together became outstanding, and the acute heat of the metal pushed Steve to his limits of pain.

Involuntarily, Steve rocked his hips up into Bucky’s hand, profanities slipping past his lips before he could stop them. A boyish laughter broke out of Bucky as he pressed his chest against Steve’s to make them stand fully upright instead of being leaned against the wall.

The water had started to go a bit cold but Steve took little head, his mind entirely scrambled. Bucky teased and thumbed at his own tip but soon the motions became erratic, his eyes widened and with no warning, climaxed. Steve, close but not quite yet, watched with fascination as rivulets of bliss crossed over Bucky’s face as hot semen coated both of their shafts before being washed away by the water.

Bucky released them both, exhausted from the effort, but sank down to his knees, his mouth opening and his eyes closing against the onrushing water. Steve reached over to turn the water off. Upon hearing it turned off Bucky reopened his eyes. Gently Steve caressed Bucky’s jaw line as he guided his mouth to his cock. Bucky obediently wrapped his lips around the shaft and flicked his tongue across the head as he sucked. Steve’s legs trembled and in an effort to restrain himself he wove his fingers into Bucky’s hair, tugging slightly. He felt Bucky’s lips curl into a smile and the suction increased followed by the flat of Bucky’s tongue teasing the underside of his shaft.

No more could Steve hold on as waves of euphoria washed over him. He was vaguely aware that Bucky had not let go and had instead lapped up every drop save for some that had somehow ended up on the corner of his mouth which Steve removed with an edge of a nearby towel.

Steve helped Bucky stand and had to support him when the man swayed slightly, his previous exuberance depleted.

“C’mon. Let’s get you to bed.” Steve remarked as he half-dragged half lead Bucky to the bed before pulling out a pair of black boxers and slipping them over Bucky’s lower half. He turned to get his clothing from the bathroom when a hand held his wrist.

“Stay with me.” Bucky asked, his voice barely audible.

Steve paused, thought then nodded. “All right. Scoot over.”

Bucky more-of rolled over but nonetheless moved so Steve could join him to wrap his arm around Bucky’s waist and tuck his nose into the nape of Bucky’s neck. Steve breathed in the scent of soap and of Bucky in an effort to ignore the feeling of impending doom niggling at his mind before he allowed his mind to be quieted.

 

Bucky lay awake some time, feeling the rhythm of Steve’s heart and even breathing against his back. He recalled an earlier conversation of theirs, of had they been more than friends, and had been told yes, they had been lovers. He had been barely grasping straws as it were on his other vague memories but these particular ones seemed to hurt the most when he remembered them.

The incident in the shower had actually been accidental but Bucky reacted on instinct, feeling every crevice of Steve’s body with acute familiarity. It both excited and frightened Bucky that after all the time that had passed his body still remembered. The smile on his face promptly fell as other memories more recent surged.

_“You sure are a looker.” Rumlow commented over his rather late supper of apple slices and beer._

_The winter soldier ate quietly, his attention on the bread and cheese he had been nibbling on since they arrived back on base. It had just turned to three in the morning when they had returned, much to their commander’s chagrin, but it could not be helped. The winter soldier could not remember why they had been dispatched or when exactly he had sat down at the table. All he knew was the basics of needing sustenance and later a shower before resting._

_Rumlow, a man whom the winter soldier associated as the main head of the tactical force he sometimes worked with, continued to eye him while his muscled jawed worked furiously on chunks of apple he cut with his belt knife. The winter soldier finished his meal, what little it was as he had little appetite, and washed his hands before retiring to his room to bathe and rest._

_He had barely fallen against his pillow when a knock was at his door. The winter soldier was slightly annoyed but shoved himself up off the bed to answer the door. Rumlow stood there, casually leaning against the doorframe._

_“May I help you?” the winter soldier mumbled, casting his eyes downwards and allowing his somewhat wet hair to fall over his face._

_“I like you.” Rumlow drawled. The winter soldier was acutely aware that Rumlow’s breath was tinged with some sort of liquor stronger than the beer he had been sipping on and backed away slightly to shut the door. Rumlow jammed his foot in the door, “And by that I mean I want to fuck you. Now.”_

_The winter soldier’s shoulders drooped. Their commander was gone from the base, leaving Rumlow in charge. That meant anything Rumlow wanted Rumlow got. He had little choice to let Rumlow inside his quarters, a medium sized room with just enough space for a bed, a nightstand, and a meager dresser to leave an open middle space for late night workouts when he could not sleep._

_Rumlow swaggered in, peeling off his security garb until he was down to his off-grey boxers, an already quite erect cock bulging against its front._

_The winter soldier was vaguely aware that he had shut his door and now stood before Rumlow, obediently having stripped down completely to stand vulnerable before him. Rumlow wasted no time in gripping the winter soldier by his hair and shoving him onto the bed. The winter soldier had become accustomed to the man’s treatment and silently motioned to the bed stand where a bottle of lube and condoms had been kept for such occasions._

_Despite the haze of drink Rumlow understood and applied both to himself before placing a glob onto two fingers and roughly inserting them into the winter soldier, who not so much as whimpered. Frustrated at lack of noise, Rumlow withdrew his fingers and gripped the winter soldier’s shoulders before prodding the head of prick at the soldier’s entrance. The soldier arched his back and bit the lump of covers in front of his face as he was fucked repeatedly into silent oblivion._

A single tear leaked from Bucky’s eye and trailed across his nose to land on the mattress. Bucky sniffled and curled on himself and felt Steve’s instinctive synchronization do the same, a reminder of Steve’s closeness to him both physically and emotionally. It made Bucky calm down and soon nodding off into a deep slumber he had not experienced in what felt like forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Steve was awoken by the sound of a choked sob followed by hurried slight sniffling. At first he was still except for his right arm, which he slithered toward Bucky’s side of the bed. Steve’s outstretched hand was met with a lukewarm bundle of sheets.

Carefully, Steve stood and walked over to the far side of the room where in the moonlight he could see Bucky was huddled into a corner. Somehow he had squeezed himself between the oak dresser and the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around his knees. When Steve kneeled in front of him a few hands breadth away Bucky looked up. Steve noticed the red rings under Bucky’s eyes, darkened even further by the purplish bruise-like bags which lay underneath.

“Want to talk about it?” Steve asked, grabbing a tissue box from atop the dresser and handing it to Bucky before settling back on his haunches.

Bucky blew his nose and rubbed his face, unshaven from the past few days of forgetfulness, “Not…not really. It was one of the recurring ones I usually have...and just kinda… deal with.”

Steve nodded sympathetically and plopped down on his rear, ignoring the fact he was naked still from their earlier escapade, before he spread his legs and arms in a welcoming outstretch, “Want me to hold you?”

It took a few moments but Bucky slowly extracted himself from his corner and cuddled into Steve’s arms, wrapping his own around Steve’s torso and holding on firmly. Steve hummed tunes he knew and liked from his earlier youtubing and rocked slightly in rhythm to the melody. Bucky still held on and quivered every now and again in gradually smaller waves as Steve hummed.

“I know you and Natasha are trying to help me recover…myself...but in that process of remembering the good I remember also the terrible things I’ve done.” Bucky whispered into Steve’s chest.

The humming continued as Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, which was jaw-length despite Steve insistence that he have it cut shorter, and curled ends of it around his fingertips, “The person that did those things wasn’t you. If you want, we can get you signed up for Sam’s counseling sessions that way you can find out how to deal with these nightmares. Sound ok to you?”

Bucky looked up at Steve, his tired eyes showing to Steve just how truly aged they both were, and how especially lost Bucky still felt. With a small sigh Steve hugged Bucky close to his chest and reclined to the floor, bringing Bucky with him to have him lie atop the expanse of his chest. The two lay on the floor for a long while, discussing over their past as lovers as the faint moonlight filtering in from the blinds cascading on their forms, as they drifted off into somewhat peaceful sleep.

 --------

 Thus how the next six months progressed. Bucky recovered slowly, as was expected with his confirmed diagnosis of PTSD and slight insomnia. Together with Steve, he researched into his past by watching old documentaries and reading up on file reports. Steve helped fill in the blanks not found in the paperwork, telling Bucky of their childhood friendship and then latter adulthood being lovers.

Steve admitted how things at the time were not as they were now, with homosexuality not being as condemning as it once was, though he also expressed he was not impressed by what little advancement had been made overall. Bucky nodded along with Steve’s stories, sometimes remembering fragments of tales and sometimes completely not knowing anything of what Steve was speaking about. Bucky also started to attend Sam’s veteran sessions with Steve being present always as being around unfamiliar people set Bucky on-edge still.

Sam was congenial, offering warm smiles and firm handshakes when he saw Bucky but making sure he kept himself non-threatening as best as he could. Bucky soon found himself liking Sam and even trusting him to tell him more about the torture treatments he underwent beneath the hands of HYDRA and of Alexander Pierce especially.

One sleepless night as Steve and Bucky lay cuddled on the floor, for the bed felt too soft after a nightmare had seared through Bucky’s mind once more, they discussed more of their past relationship.

“You were a real catch with just about anyone, the dames especially.” Steve remarked, looking up at the ceiling and distractedly twirling his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

“Then how’d I end up with you?” Bucky inquired honestly.

Steve shrugged, “I dunno. I mean, you liked women a lot and you admitted you liked men too and thus why sometimes wouldn’t tell me about certain ‘ladies’ you met. Though some were men who thought they were women or vice versa, or neither! I figured it out after a little while but didn’t say anything. Nowadays people that are attracted to men, women, trans to either, and to those that feel they are neither are dubbed ‘pansexual’ so I’m guessing that’s what you are.”

Bucky acquiesced to this before he asked, “What about you? Did you like men, women, or both?”

“At first I thought I only liked men.” Steve admitted as he cast a sheepish grin at Bucky, “Because I liked you for so long. Then, after it was just me, there was a guy down the street I liked a lot, but never really thought much of a relationship about.”

“What changed your mind?” Bucky prodded as he nuzzled closer into Steve’s side.

“A woman by the name of Peggy Carter. Do you remember her?” at the feeling of Bucky shaking his head Steve continued, “She worked alongside the military. British. Went by ‘Agent Peggy Carter’ and, boy, was she something. Nowadays, someone who likes both genders is called 'bisexual' so that's what I'm guessing what I am. Not gonna stick too awful hard to a label though.”

In a voice barely above a whisper Bucky asked, “Were you two together?”

Steve chuckled, “Kinda. I had told her I was in a relationship but never told her who. When I came back from the HYDRA base with you by my side and the other POWs behind me she pieced it together. Now, you two saw each other later at the bar we went to celebrate at and I remember you got pretty… antsy.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, only a little. According to Peggy, though, when I brought you to her office for a more official introduction a few days later, you two had had a talk and compromised.” Steve blushed slightly despite himself, “Neither of you wanted to let the other well… ‘have’ me so you two gave me a choice. Pick one or the other or…”

“Or?” Bucky prompted at Steve’s silence.

“Or both. You said you didn’t mind her and liked her and she felt the same towards you. So all three of us were together. When we were stationed at the main camp or in cities for official things, I went with her and during tours I was with you. Sometimes when we got temporary leave we three would meet up, knock back a few drinks, then go to her apartment for the night.” Steve finished, worrying his lower lip at what Bucky would say.

Bucky snorted then laughed, “Ahhh, so the great captain liked three-ways.” He thought for a moment before making a pleased sound, “Y’know, I do have snippets of that.”

“Like what?”

Bucky hummed for a second in thought, “My fingers in your hair and your fingers in her nethers, stretching her out to take the both of us. I remember us tying each other up and gagging our mouths, especially when you and I were on tour and needed to be kept quiet. There is one memory I have of me watching you and her go at it while I was sitting in a chair…”

Steve blushed even more abundantly, knowing exactly what memory Bucky spoke of…

_Steve and Peggy locked lips fiercely before Peggy pushed him down onto the bed, his arms flying out instinctively to catch himself. They heard Bucky drag a wooden desk chair near the edge of the bed and plopped himself into it. Bucky had already slipped off his brown uniform, glad of its absence after having to spend all day wearing it for their press tour, and had pulled his cock out of his boxers to languidly stroke his shaft._

_“Did you make sure to prep?” Peggy asked Steve as she removed her likewise brown uniform and dabbed off her lipstick._

_Steve smirked and wiggled his ass into the bedspread, “Yes, Ma’am.”_

_Peggy glanced over at Steve and could not help but lick her lips, “I love it when you call me that. Too bad you’re too worn out to join, Bucky.”_

_Bucky shrugged then smiled, “Not too tired to enjoy the view.”_

_Steve made a pitiful whine noise and Peggy hushed him quickly by slamming their lips together before she muttered fondly “You are so impatient.”_

_Steve huffed onto her lips, “Says the woman who sat next to me and grasped at my thighs and balls under the table during an official meeting!”_

_Peggy practically purred against the hollow of Steve’s throat, “Well, good thing for us they bought your excuse of a red-coloured face being the underground lighting’s fault.”_

_Steve was about to retort but was quickly silenced by Peggy inserting a Vaseline covered index finger into his hole. They heard Bucky breathe in a sharp breath and his slick quickened strokes as Peggy continued to finger Steve with one then two digits._

_“God.” Bucky commented, his mouth slack-jawed as Steve arched his back when Peggy tweaked a pert nipple._

_Peggy grinned and methodically fingered Steve as she sunk her plush lips down onto his cock, teasing at the slit with her tongue before she moved down further until she felt the tip reach to nearly the back of her throat. Gingerly she bobbed her mouth along his shaft, using her lips and teeth alternatively but making sure to not use any suction yet. She glanced over at Bucky. His lips looked completely bruised from having been bitten repeatedly and he had a slight sweaty sheen across his chest as he took in the sight of Peggy as she deep-throated and fingered Steve._

_With a slight whimpering keen, Steve wound his fingers into her hair and gave them a gentle pleading tug. Peggy smiled around his girth and started to suck fiercely, her cheeks hollowing with the effort._

_“Going to..come…fuck…ahhh.” Steve gasped, gripping onto the bedsheets as the coiled feeling sprung loose as he orgasmed copiously._

_Peggy drew back slightly but kept her mouth open to let Steve’s semen flood into her mouth. Bucky was not far behind, his grip having tightened around his cock furiously before he came with a curse. Peggy rolled off of Steve and walked over to Bucky. She tipped his head up and gripped his chin to open his mouth. He did so obediently and felt her warm lips move against his before she let Steve’s come, which she had held in her mouth, flow past her own lips and into his. It took him momentarily by surprise but he swallowed as much as he could then licked a residual amount of her lower lip when she moved back to smile at him._

_She felt Steve’s warm arms wrap around her middle and then his nose dip into the curve of her shoulder adoringly. She smiled up at him before taking him by the hand, proffering the other to Bucky, who took it and allowed himself to be guided to the bed where the three promptly fell entangled into each others’ limbs. Peggy sighed contently and laid up against the pillows, spreading her legs._

_In a voice low but firm Peggy commanded as she touched them on their cheeks. “Now you two get to make me feel like a princess.”_

_Steve and Bucky gladly did exactly that for the rest of the night, alternatively fingering and eating her out in turns until all three were too exhausted to continue and ended up collapsing into sleep._

Bucky’s brows rose higher and higher as Steve recounted the memory before he finally burst out laughing, “Oh, man, we were quite something weren’t we?”

Steve shrugged as best as he could in his current position on the floor, “Yeah. Well, that’s how we rolled… though, there was something I said to her I never said to you.”

“Which was what?” Bucky groggily asked, as he flopped his bionic arm over Steve’s chest.

“As I… as I crashed the plane into the ice I only had a chance to say a few words. Words I didn’t to say to you before you fell.” Steve quietly said before he kissed Bucky’s forehead and whispered, “ _I love you.”_

 Bucky was quiet and Steve wondered if had said something wrong when Bucky whispered back, “I’m going to sleep now. We can talk more later.”

“Okay.” Steve complied, stretching to place his hands behind his head before going to sleep as a feeling of turmoil curled up in his chest.


	7. Chapter 7

When Steve awoke the first thing he noticed was that he was in the bed then second that he was alone. Immediately he sat up and dressed his customary outfit of a blue tee and a pair of casual jeans. As he tugged on the jeans he noticed the clock said nine a.m., a rather late time to wake up compared to his normal routine of 5am.  He wandered into the hall and looked around but the level was empty. He took the elevator up to the main sitting area located near the top where Tony had his lounge area set up overlooking the city. There he found Bucky sitting on a couch, a glass of scotch tinkling as he methodically swiveled it in his bionic hand.

Steve plopped down on the plush red couch and the two sat in silence, until Bucky placed the glass down on the Blackwood table in front of him.

“It looks so different. During missions I really didn’t get a chance to just observe for fun, only for location awareness.” Bucky commented as he stood and walked to the window to look down upon the vast city before him.

Steve hauled himself up and stood next to him, “Yeah, it is. When I awoke I bolted from the room they had me in and ran right into the middle of Times Square. Thousands of electronics and lots of vehicles everywhere to be seen. It was reality shock for sure but sorta used to it now. You?”

Bucky huffed and smiled slightly, “Only a little. Working for HYDRA made me familiar with tech advancements through the years so at least I know how those work…Which is funny, considering they erased memories. They must have aimed only for personal memories instead of technical.” His mood turned somber as he looked at Steve, “Why did you take me back so readily? I’ve done so much harm and don’t deserve that kind of second chance.”

With a gentle touch to Bucky’s jaw, Steve replied, “In order to take you back that means I woulda had to let you go in the first place. I never did, Buck.” Gently he brought their lips together in a searing kiss.

That is until an almost immature gagging noise interrupted them. They broke apart to see Tony waltzing in to his bar, clothed in just white boxers and a black muscle shirt, and making a funny face.

“Sorry to interrupt the lovefest but I left something over here.” Tony remarked, rustling around behind the bar and producing a bottle of vodka that had been questionably tinged blue. He promptly went to the door but not without saying over his shoulder, “Oh and, ah, if you do anything, try not to get stains anywhere, ‘specially the couch. Laterz.”

Bucky tried to hold back a smirk as Steve blushed profusely and glared daggers into Tony’s back. Bucky gave Steve a thoughtful look over before he walked back over to the table and picked up his glass. He drained of its remaining contents in one swig and took it back over to the bar to wash it out. Steve padded behind him and watched Bucky wash the glass meticulously, his metal hand dipping under the steaming water without flinching. A small laugh slid past Steve’s lips before he could stop himself and Bucky looked wordlessly askance at him before drying the glass and putting it into a cabinet.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, the laugh having dried up in his mouth, “Do you sometimes hate your bionic arm?”

The question stopped Bucky in his tracks. He looked down at his metal hand. Slowly, he flexed the metal fingers then drew them together into a loose fist.

_The procedure had been completed, with the bionic arm completely attached to the subject’s remnant upper arm and threaded along the nerves to attach to his spine, so were the words ringing through Bucky’s head. He lay strapped down to his medical cot, a slab of hard metal with a threadbare mattress as an excuse for bedding, and stared down at the shiny metal that was now his left arm. When he had awoken he instinctively attacked the man who was explaining what the arm could do before being promptly knocked out again. Bucky remembered the second time waking up, his arms secured down tightly to the table and a balding bespectacled scientist had been there, a grin plastered across his face as he said the words which rattled in Bucky’s head. He had little memory of how he got here or why he was operated on. He knew only his name and his military rank. A faint echo played in his head of a voice which shouted his name but he could not quite place it. He could not dwell on it much longer upon the approach of heavy boot steps which resounded in the medical area._

_“Ah, there he is.” The scientist, the one whom wore the glasses and had balding hair, remarked._

_Bucky looked up and met the man’s eyes. They studied one another in quiet before the scientist smirked widely and snapped his fingers at another white-coated man nearby._

_“Give him the electric wipe then place him in cryo-freeze.”_

_Bucky had little clue to what they meant but he quickly found out when a device had been fastened around his head and sudden painful electric shots coursed through him head to toe repeatedly. The shocks continued and Bucky slowly lost the jumbled mess of remaining memories in his head. Voices blended and words shattered and Bucky soon lost consciousness._

_He awoke one last time, to the same scientist having asked him what his name was._

_“I don’t know.” He replied after some time, his words labored as his tongue felt like lead, “Who am I?”_

_The scientist smiled softly, as if he were talking to a child, “You are a success.” He nodded to men whom had seemed to have appeared from nowhere to shove him into a long tube positioned against the far side of the wall. “You are everything we have worked hard to create. You will help bring about momentous events in history in more ways than you’ll ever realize.”_

_He felt a blast of frigid air and his eyelids grew heavy as the glass front fogged over. Unsteadily he reached out a hand towards the blue hued reflection in the glass but his hand faltered and slid down just as he touched the metal siding around its edge._

_He slept._

_When he awoke again he had a simple name given to him from a rough-faced young blond man: “The Asset”._

“Buck?” Steve timidly asked, reaching his right hand to touch his friend on the shoulder when he noticed he had gone very still, something that seemed to occur when Bucky was having a memory recovery.

Bucky lashed out, his bionic arm gripping Steve’s outreached wrist in a vice-like grip. Steve held still, partially so not to alarm Bucky any more than he was and partially due to not wanting his hand ripped off. When Bucky noticed the predicament, he quickly released his grip on Steve and frowned, the crevices in his face deepening. Steve reached down to take Bucky’s hands in his own. The two were silent until Steve drew Bucky close to him and simply held on tightly while Bucky slowly wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist to return the embrace.

A few moments later an alarm rang throughout Avengers tower and JARVIS’s smooth voice soon replaced it, “Attention: Ms Romanov, Mr Rogers. Please meet in the facilities’ main board room for further instructions.” JARVIS’s voice localized on their room to specify, “Director Coulson says that Mr. Barnes is to accompany you both alongside this mission so he will need to join for briefing.”

Steve pulled Bucky off him and threaded their fingers together loosely, “We’ll talk more about it later?”

Bucky nodded and obediently followed after Steve, his fingers tightening instinctively as they walked out of the lounge. Both were a little more than anxious to find out what their first official mission together in such a long time would be like.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Natasha landed silently onto the rooftop and clicked the button around her waist to drag the parachute cord into in its pack before withdrawing her Glock 26 from its side pocket. Bucky joined her as she secured the bag on her shoulders. His arms reached behind his back to pull out his pair Gerber Yari II Tanto knives and twirled them into a comfortable grip. Their matching mottled black and gray outfits, similar in style to Bucky’s previous Winter Soldier gear, hid the pair as they crossed the distance across the rooftop and toward the service door leading to the stairs. The two were slightly startled by the muffled thump that preceded Steve as he landed solidly onto the rooftop. Bucky frowned; he was severely annoyed that Steve refused to use a chute a _gain._ He summarized to himself that later he would have some choice words with Steve.

The trio made their way into and down the service stairwell, with only a couple of guards having their throats slit quickly and quietly from Bucky’s knives when they passed down through the levels of the facility. Before long they found the level they had been looking for—a hall that led to a large computer room with a DNA pass scanner and which was guarded with two guards armed with what looked like G-17s on each side of their hip holsters while in their hands were rested casually on their hips. Obviously they had not intended to actually use those weapons and from the bored look on their faces, they would be more than glad to have some excitement.

Bucky motioned to Natasha, who nodded in understanding. Steve missed what Bucky signed and tapped Bucky’s shoulder in question. Bucky waved off his hand and stood while at the same time Natasha unlocked the door and swung it wide. Bucky plunged into the door way, which alerted the guards. They withdrew a pistol each and shot directly at Bucky, who raised his bionic arm to deflect the bullets while using his free hand to fling one of his knifes into the right side guard’s jugular. The guard promptly fell down, leaving the other to shoot determinately. The guard would have had a clear shot of Bucky, who was in mid-throw of his other knife, had not Steve’s shield suddenly propelled the guard hard enough in the chest to send him reeling into the wall and having his gun fly out of his hand. Bucky rounded on Steve, his eyes flashing with a mix of annoyance and something else Steve could not quite place.

“I had it under control.” Bucky seethed, his lips curled into a snarl as he wiped his bloodied blade onto a black cloth he had withdrawn from his thigh utility pocket.

Steve picked up his shield and looked to Natasha for help but she merely gave a small shake of her head and slid on her left hand a sheer glove which pulsed with a soft white light before looking like it disappeared into her skin.

She carefully laid her hand palm-down on the scanner and held it there perfectly still while the tracer light gradually read her hand from top to bottom. Steve held his breath as the scanner worked its way back up from the bottom of her palm up to her fingertips and paused. Bucky thumbed the butt of his SIG-sauer P220, which was holstered on his left hip, and loosened its strap just as the scanner completed its verification and slid open the doors.

The room was oddly quiet as they stepped inside. Bucky veered off towards the left side of the room to a large interface panel as Natasha peeled off the glove and folded it carefully before packing it tightly in a box and returning it to her bag.

“Do I even want to know how you got that?” Steve whispered, nodding towards the bulge the box made in her bag.

Natasha smiled slyly, “Banner’s idea and Tony provided the materials. Found DNA of our suspect and were able to copy it into a synthetic layer I could wear over my own hand so it had a backing for pressure to be applied on. The microsilicone and fiberglass pores can only hold up so much so it was a one chance. Since it’s so thin my DNA overrode it shortly after its one time use.”

They talked more about the glove’s composites as they walked up behind Bucky and watched as he furiously typed away at the keyboard before him, lines of encoding zooming up in bold green before changing white then returning to its normal green hue again. Bucky was in the middle of typing another line when suddenly the computer shut down and the door behind them slid closed. The three of them heard an automated lock system kick in and alarms begun to reverberate shrilly.

“Fuck.” Bucky mumbled as he withdrew his SIG and Natasha readied her Glock.

Suddenly on their ear piece’s intercoms Tony’s voice rang through, “JARVIS picked up alarms. What’s going on in there?”

Steve ground his teeth in frustration. He had told Tony to stay at Avengers tower but it was obvious from the slight echo of noise mixed with Tony’s voice he was in the suit.

Natasha pressed her finger to her ear chip, “Lockdown. Unknown what exactly triggered it…” she went quiet for a second and they heard the sound of oncoming heavy boots, “About to get a little busy…hold on.” she positioned herself on the far left of the door and Bucky on the far right. Steve squared his shoulders and moved to the same side as Bucky, shield at the ready.

One, two, three seconds passed before a swipe of an access card could be heard followed by a soft peep. An armed man and woman stepped into the threshold, guns at the ready, and were quickly knocked out from the flurry of swipes from both Bucky and Natasha. They emerged from the door, guns blazing with Steve following close behind just as the door slid shut again right behind him.  He sidestepped to get ahead of the two, holding up hid shield to deflect the foray of bullets that the remaining four guards in the hall had unleashed.

 _Shu-wing_ could be heard from their backs and they were just able to duck down as the ray from the Iron Man’s hand blasted into the hallway full of guards.

“Stark!” Steve barked at him as they stood again.

“What?” Tony asked innocently, his facemask pulling up so he could give Steve a pursed-lip glare.

“We told you to stay at Avengers’ Tower and give updates from there. Now that they’ve probably heard you they’ll definitely know it was Avengers doing this. At least with us three it would have not been _that_ obvious.” Steve rebuked.

“Says the one wearing a dark blue suit with a bright silver star and carrying an obnoxiously loud shield. Oh, and those two shooting everyone up like a Western.” Tony grumbled sarcastically.

“I was mostly here as a back-up defense of these two under orders.” Steve ground out the words between his teeth before he paused, “Don’t tell me you decided to come simply because you were _worried.”_

That caught Tony directly, much to Steve’s annoyance. Before Steve could stop him, Tony leant forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Steve’s mouth and murmured, “Yes.”

 Steve felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and turned to face Bucky, who was turning partially red in what Steve recognized as barely contained anger.

“We got into the system like needed before the lockdown. Anything done on those computers are now going to be going through a re-routed decoy copy system to Tony’s computer system. JARVIS can decrypt anything that comes through...” Bucky dug his metal fingers into Steve’s shoulder, “Thankfully I can type much faster with this.”

Tony slid between the two and attempted to face Bucky down. The two nearly had their noses touching with their eyes locked severely onto one another when a fake bored yawn broke out of Natasha. Bucky and Tony did not look away but Steve looked at her with slight thankful relief.

“I would love to watch you guys continue to bicker and bluster but I suggest we make ourselves scarce before more guards come through?” Natasha nonchalantly mentioned, “I mean, another fight would be swell, but a new ep of _Rizzoli and Isles_ is coming on in half an hour and I promised Pepper I would watch it with her.”

That caused Bucky and Tony to break contact to look at Natasha then back at one another before Tony shrugged.

“Fine.” They simultaneously agreed.

Hastily the troupe made their way back to the rooftop with only a few other skirmishes with guards along the way.

“So. How’re ya gonna handle this one, Tony?” Bucky asked, giving a sideways glance in Tony’s direction.

Tony clamped the face-piece back over and held out his hand, “Ionization. Saved an about thirteen airplane passengers that way so three others shouldn’t be a problem. Just keep your metal hand free of me. I’d rather not have you magnetized to me.”

Natasha took Tony’s hand and drew close to his inner side as Steve wrapped his arms around the front of Tony’s waist after fastening his shield to his back, which securely placed Natasha between them. It took Bucky a moment longer before deciding to wrap his flesh arm around Tony from the back and slide his metal arm around Steve’s waist to latch onto his shield shoulder strap, close enough to have a grip but far away enough from the suit so not as to get stuck to it.

The ride down into a small secluded park a few blocks away was short lived. As soon as they touched down on the earth, Tony unionized the suit to let the others drop. The Iron man suit unfolded from Tony to expose his jeans and t-shirt underneath before folding in on itself into a red and gold suitcase that Tony picked up shortly after the locks settled into place.

“My car’s just over there.” Tony pointed out his black jaguar parked alongside the curb on the other side of a row of bushes, “I’ll drive you back.”

They all piled into his car. Tony flopped into the driver’s seat with Natasha claiming shotgun while Steve and Bucky squeezed into the back. Steve and Bucky were quiet, for a moment, before they started trading low whispers in rapid-fire French. Tony glanced back in the rearview mirror upon hearing a wisp mention of his name but could not understand the words, whatever they were, or what made Bucky’s khol-darkened eyes flash up to meet Tony’s briefly.

When Tony parked the car in his allotted space Natasha winked at him and bid him thanks before hopping out and excitedly to her show-date with pepper. Tony inwardly laughed at the thought that no doubt the two would be curled up together in the huge bed Tony and Pepper usually shared while in their favorite PJs while watching the program on the huge plasma television. His thoughts were cut short by Bucky clearing his throat loudly.

“Yesss?” Tony drawled as he turned to face Bucky, who was leaned against the hood of the car next to Steve.

“Steve explained to me on the way here about that _kiss.”_ Bucky remarked as he pushed himself off of the hood of the car.

“Did he now?” Tony inquired, looking at Steve directly as he continued, “And?”

“Accidental, I’m sure, considering your previous…” Bucky breathed in deeply before finishing, “…relationship and the amount of adrenaline just experienced.”

Tony unclenched and clenched his jaw before crossing his arms in front of his chest, “And?”

“ _And…”_ Steve spoke this time as he came to stand in front of Tony, “That was naughty of you, you know.  I hadn’t mentioned much of _us specifically_ to him yet because we hadn’t had a chance to really talk about that subject.”

“Ah.” Tony cast his eyes downward and relaxed his arms to his sides, a brief flash of guilt going through as he remembered he broke his earlier promise of staying uninvolved between the two.

Bucky chuckled, “Steve and I got to talkin’ the other night about things. He only briefly mentioned your relation of on-and-off but not why or how but I think anyone who loves him, I might as well too. That is, if they can put up with the both of us.”

“What do you mean?” Tony’s, his mouth quirked downwards in confusion as he looked between Bucky’s tilted grin and Steve’s smirk.

“What we mean…” Steve started saying as he wrapped his right arm around Tony’s waist.

“…is that we plan to solve the dilemma.” Bucky finished, coming up to Tony’s other side to lock his arm behind him.

Steve nuzzled into the nape of Tony’s neck and breathed, “You with the two of us for a night to determine if we can all really get along.”

Their blatant insinuation clicked into place and made Tony blush slightly and caused Steve to guffaw.

“Well, lookie that, we made the famous Tony Stark blush.” Steve joked as he and Bucky guided Tony into the Tower then into the elevator. As they piled inside, Steve remarked, “Not done something like what we’re thinking before, _playboy_?”

Tony bit his lower lip, “Not that I haven’t done it… it’s just been a while. Y’know for you two just getting back together you’re quick on the whole relationship thing…”

Bucky tilted his head and grinned across at Steve, “Well, talking and catching up is a good thing, but perhaps this isn’t just about that but rather just doing what’s in the now.”

The three stopped in front of Bucky’s bedroom door.

“Now, you can say no right now and we’ll leave it at that, but if you say yes, we’ll go on with it.” Bucky said, leaning against the wall.

Steve nodded, “When we get you in there, you’re _ours_ to play with and punish as we see fit unless you use a prior placed safeword that we’ll set up _._ If you do, we understand and will stop immediately. _”_

Tony licked his lips and looked between the two men. Bucky was calm and collected, more so than Tony had ever seen him since coming to Avengers Tower; and Steve had a leisurely but commanding intonation despite his matching relaxed posture.

“I think I’m all right with that…and with whatever you two have decided to devil up for the night.” Tony summarized.

Bucky and Steve nodded in unison before Bucky moved to open his door to let the two inside, “Then let’s get started shall we?”                                                                                                                                                   


	9. Chapter 9

“First, you’re going to strip for us.” Steve said as he moved to sit on the edge of Bucky’s bed as Bucky shut the door behind them.

“Oh, you’re the bossy one? I guess so with being _Captain_ and all.” Tony grinned, obediently stripping of his grey shirt and black pants to stand in his matching black boxer briefs.

“Those too.” Bucky reminded, pressing up closely behind Tony and delving his flesh hand into Tony’s waistband.

“Another bossy one, eh?” Tony remarked, grinding himself back into Bucky and tilting his head back to say, “If you want them off, though, you’ll have to take them off of me. By the way…” Tony looked under his lashes up at Bucky before turning them on Steve, a playful curl to his lips, “I missed you earlier… so I’m at least halfway ready…”

Steve laughed and motioned to the spot next to him, “You tease. Come here.”

Tony pouted his lips and leaned back more on Bucky. Bucky glanced over at Steve before he swept his metal arm down to pick Tony up and put him over his shoulder as if he weighed no more than a sack of potatoes. With little grace Bucky flopped Tony onto the bed and lay atop of him, his mouth kissing and nipping at the crevice of Tony’s neck. Steve lay on his side and watched as Bucky ground his hips into Tony.

“Not gonna join?” Bucky asked, his voice partially muffled as he sucked and nipped on Tony’s left nipple while he eyes rose to meet Steve’s gaze.

“Oh, I will.” Steve replied, standing briefly to shed his clothing and fold them neatly next on top of the dresser.

Tony sat up long enough to see Steve’s cock, already semi-erect, be freed from his boxers before Bucky shoved him down again to kiss his mouth roughly.

Steve snaked his hands around Bucky’s waist from behind and unfastened Bucky’s belt. Bucky moved of off of Tony long enough to let Steve wrestle his pants loose and slide them down to his ankles as Bucky removed his shirt and tossed it onto Tony’s clothing pile.

“Ain’t he just gorgeous?” Bucky noted at Tony’s kiss-swollen lips and who was splayed out before them on the bed with a devious grin at being openly praised, “I can see why you were with him.”

Steve gripped the hair at the back of Bucky’s head in his right hand and tilted his head back to expose his throat and gently run his opposite hand up and down the width of Bucky’s neck. As Bucky swallowed his Adam’s apple bobbed as Steve’s thumb rubbed against Bucky’s windpipe tenderly enough to make Bucky make a low moan. Steve let him go and gave Bucky a light push so he landed on the bed, each hand spread on either side of Tony’s shoulders.

Bucky held himself there, lifting one leg after the other to let Steve yank off the rest of his pants and underwear completely.

“Now, what are we going to do with this troublemaker?” Bucky asked, looking down at Tony with lidded eyes and a smirk as he reached his right leg to settle it between Tony’s legs and grinded his knee against Tony’s groin lazily.

Tony whined and shifted to get more friction but Bucky pulled his knee back any time Tony pushed too far and only resumed after Tony lay still.

“Well…” Steve started to say as he moseyed his way over to the dresser to grab the bottle of lube and two condoms, “I was thinking we could bind his arms and wrists then teach him with a twofer.”

Tony’s eyes went wide as Bucky grinned savagely.

 “Whatcha think of that, Buck?” Steve continued.

“I like it.” Bucky agreed as he leaned down to thrust his tongue into Tony’s open mouth to kiss him passionately. As he pulled back Tony wiggled his hips so that their cocks just barely brushed against one another.

“Well, I think you two talk a lot. Does the _Captain_ and his Sergeant always chatter when they fuck?” Tony huffed as he grabbed Bucky by the hair of his scalp and crashed their lips together into a searing kiss.

The sudden force knocked Bucky off balance and he rolled over onto his back. Tony maneuvered around the metal arm that had attempted to grab at him so he could straddle Bucky’s hips.

Tony’s victory was short-lived as Steve grabbed his wrists and bound them behind his back firmly with black binding cords and the knots rubbed his wrists comfortably.

“You move quick for an old man.” Tony cheekily said.

Steve made a snorting noise before saying instead, “Red is for stop, Yellow for ease up. If we ask if you’re all right and you give us green we’ll keep on. Agreed?”

The slight distraction of Bucky’s fingers trailing up Tony’s sides made Tony slower to answer and prompted Steve to add, “Address your Captain, _Stark.”_

Bucky smirked up at Tony’s gasp as he turned his head to the side, his lip curled in amusement, “ _Yes, sir.”_

“Good.”  Steve replied as he gripped his fingers into Tony’s waist from behind and grinded his erection, quickly covered in a condom, across the top of Tony’s cleft and between his asscheeks, forcing Tony to buck forward and causing his own cock to moving against Bucky’s.

After a teasing moments, Steve reached around Tony’s left side to grasp both Tony’s and Bucky’s cocks together in his large lube-covered palm. Bucky hissed low and laid his head back, his fingers entangled in the sheets as Steve set a methodical unhurried stroking rhythm, squeezing them close together at intervals. Tony moaned and squeezed his thighs around Bucky’s hips while he reached his arms over his shoulders to grip onto Steve’s shoulders. Steve dragged his free hand lightly over Tony’s navel before he moved up farther to tweak and pinch Tony’s nipple.

“Fucking hell, Steve.” Bucky breathed. His tongue flicked his lower lip as Steve released his cock long enough to toss him a condom near his shoulder.

“Put that on.” Steve commanded as he continued his deliberate ministrations to Tony, who had started to involuntarily make small thrust movements into Steve’s hand in need of more pressure against his aching cock, “As for you, Tony…” Steve stopped stroking Tony in favor of placing more lube on his hand before tossing the bottle next to the condom he had previous thrown before he slid his index finger gently into Tony’s ass, “Have to make you ready to take the both of us.”

Tony grinned and pushed back onto Steve’s hand as Steve inserted a second finger, “Good.”

“Ah, what’s the proper way to respond?” Steve chided, stilling his finger temporarily.

Tony worked his jaw in contemplation before smiling broadly to practically purr his words, “Oh, yes, Captain, that’s very good. Make me nice and stretched wide to accommodate both you and Sergeant here in my ass.”

It took all of Steve’s resolution to not laugh at the sound of Tony’s words as he resumed fingering and widening Tony’s entrance. Steve did give a solid smack onto Tony’s ass cheek when Tony wiggled his hips again in impatience.

Bucky reached over his shoulder and slid on the condom before dribbling lube atop his covered tip and letting it glide down to coat him.  As he waited he propped himself up on his bionic arm and swept his flesh hand over Tony’s torso before he stretched past him to squeeze Steve’s thigh appreciatively. Steve smirked and slid in a third finger as Tony leaned his shoulders forward against Bucky’s chest with his ass into the air for better reach.

Ever so carefully Steve removed his fingers and helped Tony stand with his ass flush up against Steve’s front. Bucky drew his left leg up and propped his hands behind his head to watch in bemusement as Steve lightly ran his fingers down Tony’s sides to make the man shiver and break out in goose bumps.

“I want you on top of him.” Steve ordered to Tony, tilting his head in Bucky’s direction.

Bucky put his leg down and patted his lower abdomen so Tony could sit astride it to make the head of Bucky’s cock just mere inches from his hole. Steve took up position behind Tony and wrapped his left arm around Tony’s waist before rubbing the tip of nose into the hair at the back of Tony’s head.

“You’re so very ready for us, aren’t you?” Steve whispered, flicking his tongue over Tony’s ear.

Tony replied with a whine muffled only by his lip being caught betwixt his teeth and leaned back against Steve. Steve gripped Tony fiercely to position him more downwards before he sunk himself in, almost to the hilt but not quite. Bucky shifted underneath him and as Steve withdrew for another shallow thrust he felt Bucky’s shaft brush against his own. On the next outward thrust Steve and Bucky shared a glance, a silent agreement stolen at a glance over Tony’s shoulder, before Bucky moved upwards with Steve, their cocks sinking in unison into Tony.

“ _Fuck!”_ Tony exclaimed as he tossed his head back and gasped, the overwhelming feeling of two throbbing hard cocks within him making him blather out more unintelligible curses.

“All right there?” Bucky entreated, his face upturned toward Tony.

“Yes...ahhh... yes, sir.” Tony bumbled out, his fingers flexing and arms shifting against their bonds.

Steve and Bucky set a smooth rhythm, retracting and thrusting in sync and with enough force to pitch Tony forwards over Bucky’s chest nearly every time.

Bucky grinned wide at Tony’s slack-jawed expression, “Did we make him speechless?”

Steve could only grunt in reply as he fisted his free hand into part of Bucky’s locks to give them a firm yank which caused Bucky to moan loudly, the sound pitching into a whine that made Steve feel a renewed surge of want. Their motions sped up, roughly pushing themselves deeply together into Tony until Tony was panting their names.

“Buck---Steve…God, pleaseeee.” Tony begged, a slight trail of saliva escaping his lips, “Need to…” his words were cut off with a sharp gasp as Bucky reached his bionic arm up to grasp Tony’s cock and thumb at the slit.

It did not take much encouragement, though Bucky supplanted some by muttering endearments in Russian and heightening the vibrations that his metal hand gave off, to send Tony over the edge, his climax coursing through his system and leaving him shuddering and sweat-soaked. Steve and Bucky withdrew with care so as to not harm Tony. They let him slide off of Bucky and onto his stomach where Steve unbound Tony’s arms and Bucky warmed his metal hand to therapeutically rub at the tender skin. After Tony had settled back Bucky and Steve took their now-uncovered cocks in their respective hands to fist themselves to finish. Tony made a motion towards them as they reached nearer to their orgasms.

“I want you two give me your best shot.” Tony cheekily stated, winking and opening his mouth wide before sticking his tongue out for good measure.

Steve would have come at the sight of Tony filthily waggling his tongue up at them had not his self-restraint prevented him from doing so. On their knees atop the bedspread, with Bucky on one side of Tony’s head and Steve near the opposite, they were able to look down while Tony watched with fascination as they firmly stroked their shafts.

“Goddd…” Bucky groaned as his hips jerked into his dick into his calloused palm and come sputtered forward to land in Tony’s mouth and across his face in messy splashes.

Tony reached forward his hands to grasp Bucky’s thigh in one and Steve’s in the other, giving both encouraging rotations with his thumb as his other fingers pressed into their taut muscles as he licked Bucky’s semen from his lips.

The added pressure against Steve’s thigh was the last shove he needed to completely go over the edge. He leaned his head forward into Bucky’s shoulder and looked downwards as come spilt directly between his fingers and into Tony’s agape mouth. Bucky and Steve stayed propped leaning against one another for a few moments to catch their breath as Tony wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand then his hand onto the bed sheet. Finally Bucky and Steve allowed themselves to collapse next to Tony, with Steve nuzzling into the crook of Tony’s neck while Bucky simply flopping his right arm over Tony’s chest to lock entwine his fingers with Steve’s.

For a long while the only sounds in the room were of their quick, raspy breaths, and the faint soft whir of Bucky’s arm recalibrating when any of them shifted around.

“Tony!!!” A voice came from the hall promptly followed by JARVIS attempting to say, “Sir…”

Tony sat up abruptly just as the door was opened to reveal Rhodey, a look of concern on his face which promptly turned into surprise.

“Oh.” Rhodey gaped, his eyes wide as they took in the sight of Bucky, who had sat up along with Tony, and who had his fists at the ready to fight. Rhodey’s eyes got bigger still when Steve propped himself up on his elbow to look questioningly at their visitor, “Well, shit.”

“Yeah… perhaps you shoulda locked the door?” Tony looked to Bucky who merely shrugged and flopped back upon seeing that there was no apparent threat, “Or you coulda knocked.” The latter sentence directed towards Rhodey, who had recovered from his initial shock.

Rhodey pulled a face then made a small passing wave in front of him, “I’ll, ah, tell you what I was gonna say to you later… For now I owe Clint fifty bucks.”

“…Really?” Steve asked, his voice incredulous.

Rhodey shrugged, “Clint betted you three would end up together somehow...Though, now I have to ask, who, um, took…?”

It dawned on Steve after a few seconds what Rhodey meant, “Oh.” Then he grinned and jabbed a thumb in Tony’s direction at the same time Bucky pointed at Tony as well.

“Hey now, give away all the secrets why don’tcha?” Tony pouted, laying back to snuggle against Bucky in an effort to be mean to Steve.

Rhodey clicked his tongue, “Annnnd that means I owe Nat a hundred…anyyyways I’m just gonna go... Talk to you later, Tony!” And with that Rhodey quickly left the room and shut the door behind him.

With a huff Tony stood and picked up Bucky’s black shirt, observing it before slipping it on and lying back down between Steve and Bucky.

“Why mine?” Bucky drowsily complained, tugging at the fabric.

“Comfy. Plus you smell nice.” Tony responded as he prodded Steve with his foot, “Scootch over.”

 

Steve moved over obediently before he commented, “Love it when you beg, by the way.” He playfully tapped on Tony’s nose, which earned him a glare, “You’re so good at it.”

“Oh, hush.” Tony muttered, burying his face into the bedding as Steve wrapped an arm about his waist.

Bucky looked at the two of them then stood. He snagged a new shirt from the dresser before slipping back on his previous pair of boxers and pants.

“Where’re you goin’?” Steve mumbled, casting his eyes up at Bucky.

“Rooftop. I need some air.” Bucky responded before he left the room.

Steve and Tony lay quietly together until Tony touched Steve’s shoulder, “You should go to him.”

Steve sagged into the mattress, not knowing what made Bucky’s previous chipper mood slip away, and unsure if he really should go after Bucky.

“Hey.” Tony softly touched Steve’s cheek to get his attention, “Sometimes there are things you gotta do even though you don’t wanna do them. I’ll be here.”

“All right.” Steve conceded, “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.” Tony added to himself while Steve got dressed and left after Bucky, “Take all the time you need.”


	10. Chapter 10

The rooftop of the Tower was windy. Bucky liked it up here. When Bruce had told him to come up here he took the advice seriously and found himself sometimes reclused here during times he simply needed to have the fresh air. Bucky wondered how often Bruce, too, came up here to just simply take in the wonders of the city that stretched before him and to let the muffled noises coax out the tension. The mix of the breeze drying his eyes and an overwhelming surge of emotion made Bucky’s eyes mist up.

Behind him, the same door he had entered onto the roof from creaked. Bucky wiped at his face with the neck of his shirt and continued to overlook the city as Steve’s footsteps crunched across the gravel towards him.

Instead of speaking like Bucky thought he would, Steve solemnly stood next to him, his hands resting onto the metal safety bar in front of him while his eyes scanned the myriad of twinkling lights that composed the city’s numerous buildings. The heavy silence was only softened by the chilly wind’s merciless buffeting at their faces. Somewhere off in the distance above them a plane passed by, the sound of its rotating blades distorted but identifiable. Silence fell after its passing resumed and stretched onwards.  Steve shifted on his feet, feeling as though he should say something but not quite knowing what to say.

Bucky turned on his heel and leaned his back against the metal rungs yet he did not turn to face Steve, choosing instead to direct his gaze upwards at the mere fuzzy fragments which were stars. His face was drawn and his eyes tired. Steve was about to muster up the courage to say something when Bucky spoke instead.

“It’s been a little over year since you made your promise to me. I remember so much more than I did then, yet there is so much I don’t remember. Doing what we just did…I remember doing that with you and Peggy, yet at the same time it’s almost like I remember seeing someone else doing those things and not myself. Going to meetings with Sam have helped somewhat but I think that will only go so far. Sometimes I think, I’ve got so many scars and I’m so damaged. Sometimes, I think those what if those promises can’t heal these wounds because they go too deep. Too deep for even you to reach.” Bucky said the words almost casually, as if he were remarking the smattering of the stars instead of speaking of more serious matters.

“I know.” Steve replied, his voice just audible over the wind.

Bucky dropped his head so that he could meet Steve’s eyes dead-on. Steve could not help but notice the rim of wetness there from where Bucky was holding back tears “Do you really?”

Steve clenched and unclenched his jaw to keep his lower lip from trembling. When he spoke his voice betrayed him by quivering, “Truthfully, no. I should have gone back to find you that day, Buck. The day you fell from the train. Instead, I didn’t and I thought you dead when really Zola and his men were….were doing these experiments on you, torturing you, wiping your memory. The years you spent under Pierce’s thumb, doing his bidding…doing his killing all while suffering from the hands of his men...while I got myself frozen away for that time…I just...” Steve’s voice cracked and he took a few moments to collect his composure before he lost his hold and entirely slipped onto his knees in front of Bucky, “You ask me for forgiveness, all the time, but it’s me who begs for forgiveness. I’ve done nothing but be a horrible friend… and an even more awful lover to you, for not searching for you... I don’t deserve you at all, Buck.”

Steve couldn’t look up. He let the tears flow freely as he knelt there on the ground; the only part of Bucky visible in front of him was his barren feet as they shifted back and forth in thought. Despite how hard he tried, Steve found he could not physically stand up, as if turned to stone. Steve brought up his collar to wipe away the snot and tears from his face but his head felt too heavy still to look up.

Steve felt Bucky’s flesh hand settle atop his head “You told me once that the things that happened during that time weren’t me. They were the winter soldier. Sometimes I wonder if it really was entirely or if sometimes I did a few things more than willingly.” A warm thumb stroked the side of Steve’s head as Bucky spoke further, “Had you tried to come find me, Zola and the other scientists might have taken you too. Had they done that you would not have been able to help end the war, or hide that Tesseract device you told me about...” Bucky’s hand stilled and then the thumbstrokes resumed, “You’re also the same one who told me to take someone back meant that the person had to first be given up on.” The hand dipped under Steve’s chin to lift it up and hold it there while Bucky pressed a soft kiss to Steve’s forehead, “and I decided that underneath it all, I never gave up on you either.”

Despite the sorrow still clinging to him, Steve mustered a smile up at Bucky before it faltered and his eyes threatened to overspill more tears. Bucky knelt down with him and wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders to let Steve rest his head in the crook of Bucky’s neck and let silent heaving tears wrack his entire frame.  Bucky comforted Steve by running his hand up and down Steve’s back in soothing rubs while he finally let his own tears run freely from his eyes.

When Steve had extinguished the last of his sobs he looked up at Bucky and touched his seemingly perpetual scruffy face and wiped Bucky’s tears away with the back of his hand, “Thank you.” He let his hand rest on Bucky’s jaw for a moment before Bucky smirked up at him.

“Now I do gotta tell you, though, you pull that same shit again of putting a plane in ice I’ll personally dig your ancient ass out of it just to give it a swift kick.” Bucky chided, his voice taking a teasing air as he thumped Steve lightly on the top of the head.

Steve chuckled, “All right, fair enough. Geez do I feel loved.”

“I’m serious now.” Bucky pouted in a way that meant he may be only half-kidding about the ass kicking before he planted a rather wet and messy kiss on Steve lips, “And you better, because I love you. I love you so much, Steve.”

Steve melted into the kiss and only separated long enough to retort, “Jerk.”

 Bucky grinned and resumed kissing Steve passionately but only after he sassed back their old euphemism, “Punk.”

 


End file.
